"Every little thing"

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. It's... Shocking, amazing, exciting, scary, and I want to scream it out to the world but I think I'm doing a good job of not telling anyone. Of course, now that I know I am in fact pregnant, I am finding myself worried about every little thing. My biggest cause of concern, obviously, is that I will miscarry. In the past month I have learned of two miscarriages: Ashley's and now my photographer emailed me about not making an appointment I had with her cause she was having a D&C done due to miscarriage, performed today.

I know stress is not good, and I have been trying to think "is there blood? No? Then STOP worrying!" but that just doesn't help me sometimes, especially when I look in the toilet and see strands of milky white wispy cervical mucous hanging out in there, particularly when I go #2 (sorry... Blunt truth.) I think I might relax a bit once Saturday comes and goes. That's the day I'm "supposed" to get my period. If I make it through the weekend with no sign of blood, I think I'll feel a lot better.

New things I'm noticing: my saliva has a 'metallic' taste to it.

Things still occurring: Random cold spells when I'm warm to the touch, twinges and soft cramps in my pelvis, tender boobs (though this one has been coming and going), and exhaustion. Don't forget that.

I can't say I've been feeling nauseated yet. Which I'm glad for.

I want to continue working out, but I want to talk to a doctor first. I read somewhere that you shouldn't get your heart rate over 140 bpm (which once I start moving pretty fast it's hard not to!) and you shouldn't raise your internal temp over 101* - how do I know without sitting there with a thermometer sticking out of my mouth how hot I am?

I'm already a little frustrated with Dean. They won't see you for a first OB appointment until you are 10 weeks. Then they will do a complete exam where you can hear the heart beat, do your blood work, etc.

I'm a first time Mom. Ideally, I would LIKE to see someone sometime soon, to have them hand me a packet customized to me. I want to ask them about my estimated due date. 30 days was normal for me but this cycle was for some reason 37 days. They have me on the computer as being due on 9/16. I don't think I'm due until 9/23 based on my ovulation date. I want to ask them about the cervical mucous coming out of me. I want them to look at my cervix and tell me it looks great. But I have to wait a month and a half for that.

"Who do you want to deliver?" - I have no freaking clue. I randomly thumbed through their website and found a nice looking lady who shared similar interests as me. I don't know how many babies she's delivered, never met her in person. So I said her. Nurse lady says "Oh well she and her partner Dr. Someone only take on 4 babies a month - I can check their schedule and let you know." Never told me when they would call to tell me this info, just that I would "get a call" - they won't schedule my 10 week appointment until they verify she can see me.

I understand there are reasons for all of this. But as a first time Mom, it seems like red tape to me. Don't even get me started on the night I called... Told the nurse my DOB (as required when you call) and got a "happy birthday!" but then told her I just found out I was pregnant and she goes "Oh well you need an established care appointment first before we can talk to you about OB" Fast forward to today, I called back and said that didn't sound like it made sense.. Told my story to six women (one, twice!) and finally talked to someone who was willing to take down my info and see about getting me in with the doc in the above mentioned paragraph.

Bleh. Is it always this fun?