I am petrified for tomorrow. I've had some cramps today (though the bad one I had was cause I had to fart, it went away as soon as that passed ^^; which, they reek, by the way. Um, EW!) I am afraid of a chemical pregnancy. I kick myself for testing early, sometimes, but with this cycle, it's been weird. I've never had a 37 day cycle, even before being put on birth control. So, maybe I really AM 5ish weeks..? Bleh. All I know is that every cramp I feel, I fear it's the coming of my period. I've been getting pains in my lower back today and my jeans are already starting to get snug and are uncomfortable when I sit. I don't have much of a belly, but I assume I am as I feel - bloated. I'm mentally preparing for the worst, even though, as I've said, I'm scared.
I have a two and a half hour car ride each way tomorrow with the family. I have had to pee literally every hour it seems. I hope I can hold it for the drive... I don't want them to ask why I need to stop to pee. We haven't told them yet. Jake wanted me to wait until, like, Valentine's Day to tell the family. That's forever away!!! I guess it's for the best though, cause then I can wait and see what happens tomorrow/Sunday. I'll still be worried about a miscarriage don't get me wrong. But at least then I can say I made it over a big hurdle. I think. If I wasn't surrounded by people having miscarriages and knowing how high of a risk each pregnancy has of having one (20-30%!) I wouldn't be so worried.
I wish time had a fast forward button.
Oh, the pregnancy sucks book is hilarious. I love it. I'm so glad I have that to read as well as the factual one. It's nice to have a solid read that is laced with the humor/truths. I think I'm going to enjoy that one a lot.
Ok, it's time I start making dinner.
My writing today is frustrating me, so I can only imagine how it seems to you the reader.
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